Con Artist Confessions #1

We've all gotten them. Whether it's some prince in a foreign land wanting you to help him extract his vast riches to share with you or a wealthy entrepreneur who needs your help moving international goods - they all have one thing in common: Some maggot sac is trying to bilk you of your money. Sure, you'd have to be a moron to fall for this stuff. But obviously, they are doing rather well seeing how prolific these scams are. So I do what I can to keep these fruitcakes busy and not praying on others.

In this case, I have apparently won the International Lottery which is well known for uh, contacting people over email to divy out millions of dollars? Wonderful. Unfortunately for this poor schmuck, he had no idea that he'd be dealing with Mark Mywards, champion AOL chatmaster. Honestly, I don't know how this guy could even understand what I wrote since it would send even a seasoned English speaker reeling.

So here's the starter from the scammer:

We are pleased to inform you of the lottery result winners international programme held on the 16th of October 2004. Your E-mail address was attached to ticket number A J 6 2 7 A G G and it drew a lucky number  6 2 7 0 3 1 9 7 4 which
consequently won in the first(A) category, You are therefore been approved for a lump sum pay out of 3,500,000.00 Three Million Five hundred thousand United States(Dollars) CONGRATULATIONS.
 
Due to mix up of some numbers and names, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential until your claims has been processed and your money recieved. and please remember to quote your reference #, batch #, ticket
# and your Lucky # in all correspondence.
 
To file for your claim, please contact our Foreign Service manager  for category A Grand premium  Lottery Winners  (MR. Loly Smith) on this email: lotto_promo777@yahoo.com
 
Note that the said sum has since been deposited with a reputable finance house in Hong kong waiting for the immediate remmitance into your nominated bank account. 
Be informed that your winning prize has a hard cover insurance policy that makes it difficult to deduct a cent until the sum is finally credited into your designated account. In view of the above you are hereby requested to contact this Agency/ (MR.
Loly Smith) Foreign Service manager for category A Grand as  soon as possible with the details below.
 
Note: Anybody under the age of 18 is automatically disqualified.
 
Best regards
Mrs. Rose Carlus.
Lottery Coordinator

And here's my first response:

OMG OMG!!!!!1 4 REAL??  IS THIS A JOKE???? I NEVER WON ANYTHING BEFORE AND
THIS IS ALSO MY FIRST TIME WINNING ANYTHING THANK YOU THANKYOU SO WUT DO I
NEED 2 DO 2 COLLECT THE MONEY THIS IS SO WONDERFUL I AM QUITTTING MY JOB I
HATE THIS JOB AND NOW I CAN QUIT IT FINALLY THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE PLZ
GET BACK 2 ME ASAP IM SO EXITED

This was pretty flagrant, so I wouldn't have been surprised if he gave up right here... but he didn't.

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your email at our office. My name is Mr. Loly Smith and I am theForeign Service manager for category A Grand premium Lottery Winners and as such I am to represent you as your claims agent in respect of your winnings.

In order for my office to assist you to claim your cash prize you will be required to fill out the Claim Form attached to this email and return it to this office via email also you will be required to send a proof ofidentity which can either be in the form of a scannedcopy of your Drivers license or International Passport. Upon verification of your claim you will be contacted immediately with instructions on how to takereceipt of your Cash Prize.

We shall be awaiting the receipt of these requirements so as to be able to serve you effectively, please bear in mind however that you have a deadline for the collection of your prize, which falls on 5th of November.
2004.
 
Forward your telephone number and fax number for easy communication, On behalf of this office I would liketo congratulate you and wish you the best of Luck.

CONGRATULATION.

MR. LOLY SMITH
PREMIUM LOTTO PROMO
FOREIGN SERVICE MANAGER
lotto_promo777@yahoo.com

I love the yahoo address - official sponsor of the International Lottery? He attached a form, but being a chatmaster doesn't lend much time to learn petty functions such as "opening an attachment"...

OMG IM SO EXITED BUT ONE ? HOW DO U OPEN ATTACKNEMT NOTHING WORKS I CLIKED IT BUT IT DINT OPEN LOL

Heh, I love that word: attacknemt. Adding it to the list of names for my first-born son.

We got your email and since you can see the form properlly for the filling of the form Iam sending the form to once again but if you are yet to download it or ready it again, l will advise you to go through the form and send all the information require to me via email and l will fill out the form on your behalf.

So l wait your informations. see below the information you are to forward.

REFERENCENUMBER:.........................................................

WINNING NUMBER:  .........................................................

FULL NAME: ...............................................................

AGE:......................................................................

SEX:......................................................................

OCCUPATION:...............................................................

COMPANY NAME: ............................................................

FULL ADDRESS:.............................................................

..........................................................................

TEL: .......................................FAX: .........................

CELL.....................................E-MAIL...........................

HAVE YOU EVER DIRECTLY  / INDIRECTLY PARTICIPATED IN ANY LOTTERY

PROGRAMME (YES OR NO) IF YES PLEASE STATE................................. No..............................
 
HOW DO YOU WISH TO SPEND YOUR WON PRIZE?   Some to Charity (Cancer research)Possible holidayandsavings........................................


Waiting to received the informations.

Yours sincerely,

MR. LOLY SMITH
PREMIUM LOTTO PROMO
FOREIGN SERVICE MANAGER
lotto_promo777@yahoo.com

Oh, I just LOVE forms. But let's play stupid a bit more...

OMG WUT IS TEH REFERENCE NUBNER AND WINNING NUBNER???? WHERE DO I GET THOSE THIS IS SO UNFAIR HELP ME WUT DO I DO NOW DR. LOLY SMITH PREMIUM LOTTO PROMO FOREIGN SERVICE MANGER HELP ME PLZ

I still can't believe this guy is willing to deal with me...

We are in receipt of your email and l will help you but l wonder how you contact me as all this information has already been sent to you by Mrs. Rosa Carlus, so check the email you receive from her to inform you of your winning, well here are your information. REF #: 1974BISI-0023, Batch #: 2303-1974, Ticket number- a j 6 2 7 a g g, Lucky number- 6 2 7 0 3 1 9 7 4. So fill out the form information below and send to this office for us to process your winning prize for payment.
Dest regards
Mr. Loly Smith

Dest regards to you too. Apparently they just make all these numbers up to make it look more official?

THANK U PROF LOLY SMITH U HELP ME SO MUCH I SHARE MY WEENING WITH U GOOD FRIEND WE BOTH BE RICH!!!!1 I DONT SEE ATTACKNEMT CAN U RESEND AND I FILL OUT INDUBITABLY

This was the start of a fad where I start calling the guy by different ranks. I figured I'd torment him more with the attachment issue because I just liked typing the word.

<He sends the whole typed out attachment again>

Alright, now it's time for some fun.

THX GENERAL LOLY SMITH U ARE THE EBST I AM FILLING OUT TEH FORM PLZ TELL ME IF I DID IT RIGHT IM STILL LEARNING THE INTERNET

REFERENCENUMBER:.......2303-1974................................................

WINNING NUMBER:  ..........1974BISI-0023...............................................

FULL NAME: ......................MARK MYWARDS........................................

AGE:........................17............................................

SEX:...........................OMG ROFLOL.........................................

OCCUPATION:...........ASSISTANT JIZZ CLEANER..................................................

COMPANY NAME: .................PUD TUGLERS BUT I QUIT MY JOB THERE..........................

FULL ADDRESS:......390 ALAMO ST.......................................................

........................................................................

TEL: .....589-6950..................................FAX: .....DONT HAVE....................

CELL......DONT HAVE...............................E-MAIL....XXXXX2HOTMAIL.COM.....................

HAVE YOU EVER DIRECTLY  / INDIRECTLY PARTICIPATED IN ANY LOTTERY

PROGRAMME (YES OR NO) IF YES PLEASE STATE.......YES  I PLAY BINGO.......................... No..............................

WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT IN LIFE?......WHEN I FOUND OUT PENAL COLONY ISNT WHAT I THOUGHT......................................
 
HOW DO YOU WISH TO SPEND YOUR WON PRIZE?   Some to Charity (Cancer research)Possible holidayandsavings.......I NEED SOME NEW ANAL IMPLANTS BUT DONT WORRY CAPTAIN LOLY I WONT FORGET UR SHARE.................................

OK, some of that was just silly. But you gotta admit, Pud Tuglers would be a great name for an adult business.

We are in receipt of your completed information of the Claim Form BVB . Please accept our Congratulations, your claim will be verified and confirmed by our office.Your email address, attached to ticket number A J 6 2 7 A G G with lucky number 6 2 7 0 3 1 9 7 4 and won the lottery in the 1st category (category A) with a cash prize of US$3.5 M This lottery was drawn using a mathematically random Selection of email addresses of steady internet users with your email address emerging as the winner in this category.

As your claims Officer I urge you to fully cooperate with us so as to enable us to process and release your prize award accordingly.

In order for you to take  receipt of your award we will need to procure  a certificate of claim in yourname   (from the Bank where the Funds are insured and deposited) and most importantly the Notarization of your Affidavit of claim at a Hong Kong High Court as is constitutionally required by the Hong Kong Gaming commission's Governing council this office will take care of that on your behalf for a fee of 10% of the total winning amount after you have received your winnings prize amount . But you have to remain confidential as you know this already that anybody under 18 year will be authomatically disqualified as this as already been told you from the email you receive from Mrs Rose Carlus., but l will assist you and make sure you have this money transfer to you but at the conclution of this please dont let me down.

Once your certificate is lssued you will required to contact the finance agent for them to pay you via their online banking facility to claim your winning as the Legal and bonafide recipient of the Cash prize.

Congratulations once again and we look forward to your participation at Our end of year Grand Finale Draws.

Be expecting to hear from us as soon as your certificate is ready.

He then sent a follow up with a badly-made certificate:

ATTN: MARK
 
FOLLOWING MY LAST EMAIL TO YOU TODAY THE CERTIFICATE AS BEEN ISSUE IN YOUR FAVIOUR, IS NOW FOR YOU TO CONTACT THE BACK FOR YOU TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND.
 
FIND BELOW IS THE LOG IN INFORMATION YOU ARE TO USE IN GETTING THEIR WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET.
 
FINNANCE HOUSE : ZRNITH INTERNATIONAL GROUP FINANCE SECURITY & DELIVERY SERVICES.
 
WEBSITE:                        www.zenithgroupfinance.com
 
TELEPHONE NUMBER :       + 852 3060 2854
 
TELEPHONE NUMBER :       + 852 6218 4423
 
FAX NUMBER :                  + 852 3010 9194
 
E - MAIL ADDRESS :          info@zenithgroupfinance.com       
                             
THIS IS THE BANK CONTACT JUST CONTACT THEM IMMIEDIATLY, CONGRATULATION ONCE AGAIN.
 
ATTACHED IS THE CERTIFICATE ISSUED IN YOUR FAVIOUR. AND MAKE SURE YOU LAWAYS STATE YOUR TICKET # IN ALL YOUR CORRENSPONDING TO THE BANK.
 
PLEASE ALWAY UPDATE US AS THINGS IS GOING ON WITH YOUR FUND AND WHEN YOUR FUND IS TRANSFER TO YOU OR YOUR BANK ACCOUNT UPDATE THIS OFFICE ALSO SO THAT WE CAN UPDATE OUR RECORD WITH THEM. THANKS.
 
SEND THE BANK EMAIL NOW, STATE YOUR TICKET # AS IT IS IN THE CERTIFICATE AND THE AMOUNT. DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT THIS OFFICE  OF YOU NEED ANY ASSISTANCE OR ADVISE AS IS OUR DUTY TO SEE THAT YOU HAVE YOUR WINNING PRIZE PEY TO YOU.
CONGRATULATION.
 
MR. LOLY SMITH
PREMIUM LOTTO PROMO
FOREIGN SERVICE MANAGER
lotto_promo777@yahoo.com

Very convincing! *cough* But wait, there's a problem!

CORPORAL LOLY SMITH CAN U PLZ EXPLAIN WUT I NEED 2 DO???? I NEED TEH $BUT IM CONFUSED AND I AM 17 DOES THAT MEAN I DONT GET THE $ HELP ME U ARE MY FRIEND

The terms clearly state anyone under 18 is disqualified (and yes, I purposely stated I was 17 on the form to set this problem up).

Attn: Mark

I got your email and you need not to worry about your age as have told you before what you need to do is to contact the finance house which l give you the information and claim your money, and never disclose your age to anybody.

Conatct the finance house via email and quote your number, amount and follow the instruct given to you and get your money to your bank account in USA.

But dont let me down once you have your fund in your bank account.

Contact them and get back to me with their response, and always contact me for any assistance.

I await to hear from you once your hear back from the finance house.

Good Luck

Mr. Loly Smith

Oh come on, at least make something up about my being special or the laws changing. Disappointing. But I press on...

IM SO RELIVED WARRANT OFFICER LOLY SMITH THX 4 UR HLP WUT IS THE FINANCE HOUSE HOW DO I CONTACT THEM I WONT LET U DOWN U R MY EBST FRIEND I NEED TEH $

The site he points to was working, but it looks like it bit the big one now.

ATTN: MARK

HERE IS THE FINANCE HOUSE INFOMATIONS.

FIND BELOW IS THE LOG IN INFORMATION YOU ARE TO USE IN GETTING THEIR WEBSITE ON THE INTERNET.

FINNANCE HOUSE : ZRNITH INTERNATIONAL GROUP FINANCE SECURITY & DELIVERY SERVICES.

WEBSITE:                        www.zenithgroupfinance.com

TELEPHONE NUMBER :       + 852 3060 2854

TELEPHONE NUMBER :       + 852 6218 4423

FAX NUMBER :                  + 852 3010 9194

E - MAIL ADDRESS :          info@zenithgroupfinance.com       
                             
THIS IS THE BANK CONTACT JUST CONTACT THEM IMMIEDIATLY, CONGRATULATION ONCE AGAIN.

ATTACHED IS THE CERTIFICATE ISSUED IN YOUR FAVIOUR. AND MAKE SURE YOU LAWAYS STATE YOUR TICKET # IN ALL YOUR CORRENSPONDING TO THE BANK.

PLEASE ALWAY UPDATE US AS THINGS IS GOING ON WITH YOUR FUND AND WHEN YOUR FUND IS TRANSFER TO YOU OR YOUR BANK ACCOUNT UPDATE THIS OFFICE ALSO SO THAT WE CAN UPDATE OUR RECORD WITH THEM. THANKS.

SEND THE BANK EMAIL NOW, STATE YOUR TICKET # AS IT IS IN THE CERTIFICATE AND THE AMOUNT. DO NOT HESITATE TO CONTACT THIS OFFICE  OF YOU NEED ANY ASSISTANCE OR ADVISE AS IS OUR DUTY TO SEE THAT YOU HAVE YOUR WINNING PRIZE PEY TO YOU.


CONGRATULATION.

MR. LOLY SMITH
PREMIUM LOTTO PROMO
FOREIGN SERVICE MANAGER

Unfortunately, I got very busy and did not have a chance to respond to him in a timely fashion. He started getting very impatient.

Attn: Mark

I have not heard back from you, as I told you, you should let us know how things is going on as is our duty to see that your winning prize is paid to you.

As we will need to update our record with the finance house and we will also need to put your name in our record for the payment.

So let me know in this office and also if you are having any dificult with your fund let us know so that our protocol manager can contact the finance house on your behalf.

I await to hear from you and if you have received your money please give us an update.

Good Luck

MR. LOLY SMITH
PREMIUM LOTTO PROMO
FOREIGN SERVICE MANAGER
lotto_promo777@yahoo.com

Good lord man, give a guy some time to gloat over being the winner of the International Lottery!

Attn: Mark

Following my email of yesterday why dont you update me, so let me know if you have get your fund transfer to your account in USA and if you are having any dificultiees let me know.

I await to hear from you.

Good Luck

Mr. Loly Smith

So I finally get around to responding...

IT IS GOOD TO HARE FROM U ENSIGN LOLY SMITH I AM WAITING FOR THE $ BUT NOTHING YET CAN U HLP ME GET TEH $??????

But I guess he moved on to another sucker because that was the last I heard of him. I'd like to thank Commander Loly Smith for playing. I hope Big Bubba treats you well in jail.